


The Hero's Shadow

by InyrilJace



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zack Lives, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Human Experimentation, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InyrilJace/pseuds/InyrilJace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>ON LONG-TERM HIATUS</b>
</p><p>From the rubble of Midgar emerges a lost hero. Zack has returned. But as he integrates himself back into society, something's not right. Is he really who he claims to be?</p><p>Set after Advent Children, before Dirge of Cerberus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hero's Shadow - Prologue

**Prologue**

Dust filled the air and rubble lined the streets. Gone was the wealth and arrogant splendour that had once been boldly proclaimed from every shop front and street sign. In its place was utter ruin and desolation. My head spun and I staggered, unable to comprehend what I was seeing.

Midgar was a ghost town. When had that happened?

Forcing my leaden feet to work, I took a few disbelieving steps and turned my bulging eyes to soak up every image I possibly could.

ShinRa was gone. Decimated, just an ugly pile of broken concrete, snapped reinforcing bars and grey plaster. A strange feeling settled in the bottom of my stomach and I was unable to decide if I felt sick or overjoyed. Perhaps a combination of both.

My head throbbed and I pressed a hand to it, squinting my eyes. Images flitted across my vision, stirred from the depths of my mind. The pain in my head increased and I cringed. What was going on? Why was I here? What had happened? Wasn't I supposed to be ...

Dead.

With a gasp I straightened and stared down at myself. Strange cotton pants were the only clothing that adorned my body. Trembling fingers ran over my chest as I traced the odd scars before reaching up to my left cheek, sliding over the smooth groove there. My heart thudded wildly behind my ribs, confirming with every beat that I was, indeed, alive.

No! This wasn't possible! I remembered everything, I remembered dying!

The shots ringing out, the bodies falling. Pieces of lead slicing through my flesh but my resolve too stubborn to let it affect me. A need, a purpose, driving me on with every breath that I struggled to bring into my lungs. Freedom! It was worth it all. If not for me, then for him ...

My legs suddenly weak, I sat abruptly on a pile of broken concrete, not caring as it dug into my rear. Too much, this was just too much! I had _died_. I couldn't be alive. It was physically impossible! Yet here I was, heart beating, lungs working. A living oxymoron. Huh. _Living._

The minutes ticked by as I sat there, letting the memories flood my mind and trying to digest it all. At length, I slowly got to my feet and stared around once more.

I sort of knew where I was. The main street of Midgar, if I was correct. Not that it looked like the main street anymore. I carefully began to walk, clambering over rubble and testing every foothold before applying my body weight to it. I was barefoot, half-naked and completely alone in a world I didn't recognise anymore. I had to be careful, go slowly and try to figure out what had happened here.

Such destruction, it was unbelievable! I felt giddy again and paused for a moment, regaining my bearings. Was it another war? An attack from Wutai? No, Wutai did not have the strength nor the numbers to launch such an offensive. But what else, then?

Avalanche, perhaps? They had proven rather violent and potent in the past. Perhaps they had finally broken through ShinRa's lines.

I trembled and wrapped my bare arms around myself, wishing that there was someone else here with me to reassure me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I longed for the presence of a superior, for either Angeal or Sephiroth ...

My heart twisted and my gut clenched. How could I have forgotten? They were both dead. Because me. Because of my incompetence at saving them.

Tears blurred my vision and I swiped them away angrily. Now was not the time for crying! I had to stay focused, keep a level head. I needed to find some clothes, some food and a place to spend the night. Basic survival needs had to come first. Emotions could come later. Seriously, what would Angeal think of me, allowing my pathetic emotions to cloud my judgement-

The tears flowed harder and I gave in, unable to fight them. It was all just too much. Too much had changed too quickly. My body ached and my head pounded. A crumbling wall became my pillar of strength as I collapsed against it and sobbed.

The orange sun burned low in the western sky as I curled up against myself. I did not have the strength for anything more right now. Some small, logical part of my mind told me I was in shock and that I needed to warm up and eat something. I ignored it, clinging tighter to myself and pressing my tearstained cheek to the rough wall beside me.

_Please, please let this just be a nightmare. Please let me wake up. I can't do this alone. Please, just ... just let it end._


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Wow, I cannot believe that the last time I updated this was 2011! -faints- I feel sooo terrible for that and I'm so sorry! I do actually have more chapters completed and another underway, so stay tuned for more! 
> 
> Also be aware that the perspective does change between 1st person and 3rd person. Hope you enjoy it! :)

The headache had reduced itself to a dull throb by midday. Uncomfortable when I thought about it, but nothing I wouldn't live through. Hunger gnawed at my stomach but I was more concerned with finding some water. Midgar has always been an uncomfortably hot place and today was no exception. It was muggy and there were no clouds to offer shade from the relentless sun. Glancing at the sweat glistening on my body, I resumed my search for a fresh water source.  
  
As I walked further and saw more of the devastation of Midgar, my horror grew. This was terrible. Simply terrible! Everything was destroyed and useless. The area had long since been scavenged and I could find nothing to protect myself from the sun or to bind my feet with until I found some shoes.  
  
So I kept going. After all, there had to be people around here somewhere! They couldn't be all gone. Sooner or later, I would find someone and ask them for help. Regardless of my SOLDIER training, I wasn't going to last long on my own in this environment.  
  
I fell into a listless state as I walked, letting my mind go numb and my feet lead me where they willed. The path began to feel familiar and I brought my mind back into focus just in time to look up and realise where I was.  
  
The old church looked almost exactly the same as it had last time I'd seen it. All those years ago ...  
  
A lump rose in my throat and I bolted forward. Aerith! How could I forget about her? She would be here! She would be able to tell me what was going on. She would help me, I just knew she would!  
  
I flung the church doors open and ran in a few paces before slowing to a halt. What had happened in here?  
  
The pews were mostly gone, as was the flowerbed. A great crater dominated the room and it was filled to the brim with crystal clear water. Confusion mounted in me and a cold hand squeezed at my heart as I nervously crept further forward.  
  
Kneeling down by the edge of the water, I trailed my fingers through it before cupping some and sniffing it. It smelled alright so I risked a taste. The water was the most delicious liquid to ever hit my tongue! Abandoning all caution, I scooped more up and drank until my stomach was full.  
  
I sat back and stared around the church. This place simply raised more questions than answers. What had happened here? Was Aerith still here or had she gone somewhere else to escape whatever tragedy had befallen Midgar? Huh, she must think I was dead. Well, duh! Even I thought I should be dead!  
  
Deciding to explore further, I got to my feet.  
  
"Aerith? Are you here?" I called. My voice echoed through the church, sounding slightly foreign to how I expected it. Nothing answered me but silence so I pressed further in.  
  
Skirting around the crater of water, I let my eyes search every nook and cranny for any sign of the woman who had once been my girlfriend. A strange feeling twisted in my chest as I wondered who was in her life now. Would he be like me? Better than me? Would she want me back? No, Aerith was too honourable to simply drop a guy like that.  
  
My eyes landed on something I hadn't noticed before, despite the fact that it should have been glaringly obvious. A beam of light filtered in from the roof, catching drifting particles of dust as it made its way down to something I had not expected to see.  
  
A small trail of flowers lay over some of the fallen beams, decorating them in a way that was so Aerith it made my throat close up. Just behind those flowers, stabbed into the stone of the church, was Angeal's Buster Sword.  
  
I always found it hard to think of it as my sword. Rather, it was a piece of Angeal's legacy that had been entrusted to me for a time. A reminder of the man he had been and the honour he clung to. And here it was. Tears burned my eyes but I somehow kept them down.  
  
Heedless of the brisk chill of the water, I waded into the crater and made my way across the church, towards the Buster Sword. Reaching the other side, I climbed out and tenderly let my fingers wrap around the hilt of it. I had entrusted this sword to Cloud. He must have placed it here, near Aerith's flowers. It was almost like he still wanted us to be together.  
  
A chill ran through me and I tightened my grip on the sword. No. Aerith was not dead. She couldn't be dead! These were her flowers and they were so well cared for! Any minute now, she would come around the corner and gasp in surprise, shocked to see me. We would have a tearful reunion, filled with laughter and stories. Yes, that's what would happen. It had to happen!  
  
Desperate, I called out to her again.  
  
"Aerith! Where are you? Aerith! Please, I'm back now! Where are you? Why won't you answer me? Aerith, please!"  
  
The _please_ echoed back at me, intensifying my loneliness. I fought back the tears that struggled up once more and swallowed hard before my stubbornness rose up.  
  
No! I would not accept that anything had happened to my beautiful Aerith. Getting a firm grip on the hilt of the sword, I tugged it hard and the blade slowly came free. I sat down, resting it across my legs. Well, I had found shelter and water. Food could wait a little longer. I was not going to move from this position until Aerith came back. She had to come. Sooner or later, I knew she would. She had to.

* * *

  
The dust was still settling as he walked cautiously up the steps of the church. He had not left the doors open and a hand twitched, ready to sling his sword out at a moment's notice. Eyes sharp and suspicious, Cloud made his way into the church.  
  
He saw the intruder straight away, slumped against the back wall with Zack's precious Buster Sword laid over his lap. The figure's head lolled back and his chest rose and fell regularly. Cloud did not let his guard down. The man could be faking the slumber.  
  
Cloud moved closer, slowly raising his hand to grasp the hilt of his sword. Coming to a halt at the edge of the water, he whipped his sword out and aimed it straight across the water at the intruder.  
  
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" Cloud's booming voice carried clear across the water, startling the intruder from his sleep.  
  
The man blinked and looked around, confusion in his too-brilliant eyes. Cloud's grip faltered slightly and his sword lowered half a foot. He sucked in a sharp breath, unable to believe what he was seeing.  
  
"Zack?" The name was whispered, as though Cloud feared it to be true. The intruder's eyes focused on him and recognition swept over the man's face. The all-too-familiar grin lit up his countenance and he sprung to his feet, Buster Sword held easily in his left hand.  
  
"Cloud!"  
  
"Stay where you are!"  
  
Cloud drew his sword back up to full height and narrowed his eyes. No, this was impossible! This man was an imposter, he had to be! Zack Fair was dead. He had died right in front of Cloud! And dead people did not come back to life!  
  
Zack's expression changed to one of pain and confusion. He opened and shut his mouth, struggling for the right words.  
  
"Cloud ... Don't you remember me?"  
  
"I remember the man you are impersonating. But who are you?"  
  
"Cloud, it's me! It's Zack! Why don't you believe me?"  
  
"Because I was there when Zack Fair died. No-one comes back to life, that's impossible! So I'm going to give you one last chance. Who are you and what are you doing here?"  
  
"Cloud, I swear it's me! What do I have to do to convince you?" Zack's voice was desperate as he gradually moved closer, wading into the water once more. He couldn't believe it. Cloud was alive and well! But why was he accusing Zack? Why didn't he believe him?  
  
Cloud narrowed his eyes. That was the man's last chance, gone. And Cloud was a man of his word.  
  
He lunged, sword prepared to take the imposter down. Zack yelped and raised the Buster Sword in defence, only just in time to meet Cloud's jarring blow. Not giving him a chance to recover, the blond spun the sword and sliced upwards. Zack lunged to the side, blocking wildly and with no class at all. Frustration filled him. He knew what he had to do to fight back, so why couldn't he do it? It was as though his muscles had forgotten how to fight but his mind hadn't.  
  
Cloud thrust, struck and slashed with his sword. The imposter yelped in a very Zack-like manner as the Buster Sword was wrenched from his grasp. Cloud swept the man's feet out from underneath him and Zack suddenly found himself submerged and floundering in the water.  
  
Gasping for air, Zack found his way to the surface and managed to find his feet. The soft touch of steel at his throat caused him to freeze, eyes slowly turning to look up at the unimpressed blond who stood before him in the water. Zack swallowed hard.  
  
"Woah, Spikey. Guess a lot's changed since I've been gone."  
  
"You're not Zack!" Cloud practically screamed in his face. "Zack died! Why are you doing this to me? What are you, a clone or something? Why won't you tell me the truth?"  
  
"I'm not a clone, Cloud! It's me, Zack! I'm real, I promise I am."  
  
"Then how are you alive? I watched you die!"  
  
"I know, buddy. I know. I remember dying. I remember everything. I remember what it felt like, how every sense just faded away to black. Then ..." Zack's voice trailed off and he shook his head before shrugging. "I don't know. I just remember waking up to find myself buried. I managed to climb out and found myself in Midgar. Or at least, what's left of it. I don't understand it either, Cloud. I died. I should be dead! But I'm not. I'm here and I'm just as confused as you are."  
  
Cloud wanted to believe what this man was saying, he really did! Zack had been such an important friend to him. To have that friend back in his life would mean more than words could express. Yet he narrowed his gaze and pressed the blade against the man's neck a little harder.  
  
"Prove it," he hissed through clenched teeth. "Prove that you're Zack!"  
  
"Uh," Zack glanced down at himself. Obviously the scars and his trademark hair was not enough to convince Cloud. What evidence would he want? Oh, of course. Memories.  
  
"We met on a mission to Modeoheim. You were the only one who could keep up with me because you're from Nibelheim. We were joking about us both being backwater experts. Remember?"  
  
Cloud's tense body language and narrow eyes told Zack he still wasn't convinced.  
  
"I died on a cliff overlooking Midgar while fighting for our freedom. As I was dying you crawled over to me and I gave you that Buster Sword. I told you to live for the both of us. I told you to be my living legacy." Zack's voice trembled and he took a moment to steady himself. "Just like my mentor passed the sword on to me, passing the legacy on to me. So I passed it on to you."  
  
Cloud's sword hand trembled not from the strain of holding the weapon out but from the strain of holding his emotions back. This could not be true! Yet Zack had provided him with information that no other could know. No-one else had been there when Zack died. None but Cloud.  
  
He lowered the sword and gave a stiff nod.  
  
Relief swamped over Zack's face and a smile lit up his features. Cloud believed him! With a short jerk of his head, Cloud began wading back to dry ground. Zack quickly collected his sword before following him.  
  
Standing on dry ground once more, Cloud turned to face Zack.  
  
"How is this possible? You died!"  
  
Zack shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand.  
  
"I dunno. Like I said, I don't remember anything between dying and waking up in the rubble. It's a mystery to me too."  
  
"But the WRO finished combing through the Midgar ruins ages ago! Why didn't they find you? And how did you survive that long?" Cloud demanded. Zack simply shrugged again.  
  
The two men stood there, staring at each other as water dripped off them and Cloud struggled to accept the information before him. No, this could not be possible! Maybe he was hallucinating. Cloud shut his eyes, pinched his arm and opened his eyes again. Nope, not hallucinating. He shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"What are you wearing?"  
  
Zack laughed and sheepishly glanced down at himself.  
  
"Again, I dunno. I've searched for other clothes but I've got nothing. I tell ya, Cloud. It was the weirdest thing. I climbed out of the rubble and got the shock of my life. I knew I was in Midgar but there was nothing left of the city and ... and I didn't know what to do. There was no-one around to help me and I just ..." Zack looked down at chewed pensively on his lip before raising his gaze again. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you."  
  
The emotion was thick and raw in Zack's voice. Cloud stared at the older man. He had only ever seen Zack this vulnerable a couple of times. In the past it had scared him but now it only kicked his protective drive into action.  
  
Without a word, Cloud slung his sword back into its holster and stepped forward, pulling Zack into an embrace. The dark-haired SOLDIER accepted it, clinging to Cloud while his body trembled as he fought back sobs again. Honestly, when did he become so emotional?  
  
"It's alright, Zack," Cloud said as he pulled out of the hug. "You've got me, okay? C'mon, let's get out of here. We need to get you some proper clothes and some food. Then we can talk some more."  
  
"Wait, Cloud." Zack caught the other man's sleeve. "There's one more thing I wanna ask you. What happened to Aerith?"  
  
Sadness swept over Cloud's face. He hesitated a moment before replying.  
  
"Zack. You've been away for a long time. There's so much that you have to catch up on. It's complicated and-"  
  
"Just tell me, Cloud! What happened to her?" Zack's eyes were wide and nervous. Cloud lowered his gaze.  
  
"She didn't make it, Zack. I'm really sorry. She talked about you a lot."  
  
"How?" Zack asked, swallowing hard.  
  
"Zack-"  
  
"How did she die, Cloud? Please! I deserve to know." With a heavy sigh, the blond gave in.  
  
"She was fighting to save the world and ... our enemy stabbed her. I tried to save her but I couldn't."  
  
Zack's gaze drifted away into memories and he nodded dumbly. Cloud rested a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
  
"Look, there's more to it than just that, but it's really complicated. We'll talk about it when we get home, okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Zack replied softly. Cloud nodded and began to walk out of the church. Zack followed him, unable to feel anything but the hole in his chest where his heart had once been. He closed a fist over his chest, wishing desperately that his wound was physical so he would be able to do something about it. But there was nothing he could do to stop this kind of bleeding.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, I am sooo sorry it has taken so long to get this up! I had a lot of things on and got completely distracted from my writings and only just remembered now! I apologise heavily!!!

I was shivering from the cold by the time we reached our destination. Don't get me wrong, it had been a hot day. But the sun was beginning to set again now and combine the fading light with the intense wind chill factor that comes from being half-naked on the back of a speeding motorcycle? Yeah, I think you get the point.

After putting the bike away, Cloud led me into the building through a back entrance. Music and laughter accompanied by dull undertones of conversation drifted out to me and I looked up at Cloud in confusion. Sensing my eyes on him, he glanced over before explaining.

"Tifa runs the bar here. We live upstairs and I run my business out of one of the rooms." Cloud headed up the staircase and I followed, tossing curious glances over my shoulder despite the fact that I could see nothing from this angle.

"Your business?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah. I run a delivery business. It keeps me active and pays surprisingly well, but the hours can be really crap."

I followed Cloud as he led me into his room, rummaging through his wardrobe for some spare clothes. I was grateful. I was still cold and my skin had taken on a slightly blue tinge.

"Tifa, huh? I remember her. From Nibelheim, right?"

"Right," Cloud replied and tossed a pair of sweatpants over his shoulder and onto the bed. I picked them up and held them against my body, judging the length and size. They looked like they'd fit – just. Cloud had always been smaller than me and I was amused that even in adulthood, I was bulkier than him.

Just my superior muscle mass, really.

"So, you and her, huh?" I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I spoke. Cloud's head dipped a little further and I thought the wardrobe might swallow him. He was embarrassed. How amusing! He was so different to how I remembered, yet still so the same.

"I guess," Cloud muttered.

"You guess? What do you mean, you guess? Either you guys are together or you're not!" I folded my arms and leaned casually against the wall. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed teasing Cloud.

With a sigh Cloud turned away from the wardrobe, holding a hoodie and a singlet that would obviously be too large on him but snug on me.

"It's complicated." He frowned before continuing, "I was messed up for a while, Zack. We've only recently started our relationship."

"Did you live with her before that?"

"On and off."

"On and off?" I raised an eyebrow and shook my head at him. "It sounds like 'complicated' is an understatement!"

"You have no idea." Cloud dumped the clothes on the bed and motioned awkwardly to them. "Uh, I hope these fit. Come downstairs when you're done and we'll find you something to eat." He moved to leave the room but I stopped him.

"Cloud. Thanks, man. For everything."

"It's the least I can do, Zack. I mean, you gave your life for me."

With that, Cloud left the room and shut the door behind him. I swallowed hard as his words struck me. He was right. I had died for him. I just never really thought about how that would impact him. I just did what had to be done.

I quickly went about getting changed, peeling the thin cotton pants off and wriggling into the sweatpants. Next was the singlet, followed by the hoodie. As I flipped my long hair out from underneath the hoodie, I felt something odd, irregular.

Locating the mirror in the room, I craned my head while holding the hair out of the way, trying to get a good angle. A chill washed over me and a lump settled in my throat. The black ink in the shape of numbers glared back at me, taunting and mocking me.

Someone had tattooed me, branding me as something I most definitely was not. Images of cold laboratories and dispassionate scientists flashed through my mind and I turned away from the mirror. My mouth had gone dry and I suddenly felt queasy. No! Relax, Zack! You're not there anymore. No-one's experimenting on you anymore.

_"Just lie still. This might hurt a little."_

I jerked backwards with a gasp, the memory all-too real. Cold sweat dampened my hands and I rubbed the palms on my pants, trying to calm myself down.

"Easy, Zack," I muttered to myself. "Pull yourself together. You're safe now."

Kicking the cotton pants to a corner of the room, I did my best to ignore the markings on the back of my neck, but they were all that filled my thoughts. Leaving the Buster Sword by the bed, I made my way downstairs. A good hot meal would set my mind at ease, surely.

I drifted towards the noise of the bar like a moth to the flame. Cloud appeared in front of me before I made it to the enticing room. I flashed him a smile that I hoped was convincing but I don't think he even noticed it.

"Look, I warned Tifa that I had a friend over, but I haven't told her who you are yet. Now is not the best time, not when the bar's full. So I'm going to tell her after closing time. And that's the soonest that you'll be allowed to meet her. In the mean time, you can eat out here." Cloud motioned to the room off to the side that I suppose he had emerged from. I nodded and he led me in there.

It was a rather small, simple room but I liked it instantly. A single coffee table sat in the centre of the room and lounges lined three of the walls. A young boy looked up as we walked in, his face lighting up. A girl, younger than the boy by about a couple of years, was curled up on the far lounge, asleep.

"Denzel, this is my friend Zack. Zack, this is Denzel." Cloud sat after the introductions, moving quickly to the food on the coffee table. Apparently Cloud was just as hungry as I was.

"Hi," Denzel said.

"Hey," I replied before giving Cloud an amused look. " _How_ long have I been gone?" I asked innocently but Cloud's reaction was instantaneous. He scowled and glared up at me.

"Denzel is adopted, Zack. His parents were killed in a terrible tragedy. I took him in."

I opened my mouth to apologise and ask about the tragedy but Cloud guessed my intentions, waving a hand at me.

"I'll explain everything later, when Tifa's here. She can help me fill in the gaps. My memory … It hasn't always been the best. Oh, speaking of a dodgy memory, that's Marlene. Her dad is a friend but he's not able to look after her at the moment, so she lives with us."

I made an 'oh' shape with my mouth before sitting down and helping myself to the food. My stomach rumbled in eager anticipation and I piled my plate high, digging in with more enthusiasm than was required.

"Cloud, where did you go today?" Denzel asked as he ignored the plate of food balanced on his lap. The boy's eyes shone up at Cloud and he edged a little closer to him, respect and something akin to hero-worship in his eyes. I restrained a chuckle, settling for a grin hidden behind a mouthful of food instead.

"Nowhere too interesting today, Denzel. I had a bunch of packages to deliver to Kalm. I got them done quickly then headed over to the old church," Cloud answered easily.

"To check on the flowers and the sword?" the boy asked and my head lifted in surprise. What had Cloud told them about me?

"Yeah." Cloud shot me a glance. "That's when I found Zack. He was there visiting the flowers, too. He had no food and no place to stay so I brought him back here."

"Where are you from?" Denzel asked, his gaze fixing on me eagerly.

"Gongaga. It's a small country town," I replied and gave a small smile. Ah, my home town. I'd have to go back some time and see if it had changed. Visit my parents.

My parents!

I almost leaped up but managed to restrain it to a small jerk. Were they still alive? Did they know about me? Crap! Here I am, alive and well again and my parents don't even know.

"How did you end up out here then?" Denzel asked, not noticing my reaction.

"Well, I came to Midgar a long time ago. I joined ShinRa and became a SOLDIER."

I watched Denzel's eyes darken at the mention of ShinRa. A scowl emerged over his face and I couldn't help feeling that I had just lost a little of his respect. Cloud noticed the kid's reaction and stepped in. I was glad. I had no idea what had happened to Midgar, so I had no idea how to handle this.

"Denzel, that was back when ShinRa was still good. Back when nobody realised that they were hurting the Planet. It was a great honour to be in SOLDIER and as far as I'm concerned, it still is. I respect anyone who made it to SOLDIER. Hey, even I was a ShinRa infantryman! Don't hold it against Zack. He didn't do anything wrong. In fact he did a lot of good."

"Okay," Denzel mumbled and glanced up at me again. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no problem. A lot of things have changed since then, haven't they?"

We continued the rest of the meal in silence. I was nervous and eager to talk to Cloud. There were so many questions I had to ask him! Like what had happened to the other SOLDIERs? Obviously, ShinRa had been destroyed. But how? Did anyone survive? How long has it been since I died? What has Cloud been doing since I died? Did his mako poisoning have any side-effects?

I cut off my mental tirade before it could get any worse. If I kept thinking about the questions, I would not stop until I had asked them all. I just had to be patient.

Great. I hate being patient. Angeal used to say I had the patience of a rock. I didn't get it, telling him that rocks aren't alive so they can't have any patience. To that, all he would say was 'exactly'.

Huh. I'm still not sure I get it.

After all the food was gone – save for a plate left for Marlene – Cloud started talking to Denzel about what the boy had done that day. I was content to simply sit back with a full belly and watch the interactions before me. I've always enjoyed people-watching … I think.

They talked for a good half hour or so. The conversation wound down and I was beginning to feel quite sleepy when Cloud announced that it was time for bed. Denzel went through the customary grumbling, whining and complaining that goes with such news but eventually obeyed. He left and Cloud moved over to Marlene, gently waking her up.

"Hey. It's bed time. Do you want anything to eat first?"

She rubbed her angelic eyes, looked at the cooling food and shook her head. Cloud nodded and sent her off to bed.

How amusing! Cloud Strife, family man. This was so weird. Only yesterday he'd been a little grunt, incapable of even casting a Mastered spell of any kind and more reserved than anyone else I knew. Now he was a confident _man_ with a couple of kids to look after!

I must have been away for longer than I realised. After all, Cloud most certainly was not a teenager anymore. An odd feeling settled over me. I was not sure I liked this new world. So much was different and just completely foreign to me. I just wish I knew what had happened.

Cloud collected the plates and I stood up, wanting to feel useful.

"It'll be a few more hours yet before Tifa closes up the bar. I'm supposed to be helping her out right now, actually. You can head on up to my room and get some sleep, if you like. I'll wake you when the bar's closed. Oh, unless you'd rather talk tomorrow morning? I don't mind, whatever suits you." Hmm, he was still a little indecisive.

"Tonight's fine with me," I replied. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Cloud shook his head.

"No, it's fine. Besides, if Tifa saw you now she'd close up the bar straight away. And I don't want her to do that. She enjoys the work and business is good at the moment. I don't want to upset that."

"Why would she close up straight away?" I asked, confused.

"Because she'd recognise you, Zack. Tifa still talks about you every now and then. She remembers you."

I pondered this for a moment and Cloud headed towards the door.

"Cloud. How much have you told them all about me?" This question had been niggling at me for a little while. It felt good to have finally asked it. Cloud stopped and gave a pensive sigh.

"In truth? Not much. I … Look, it's really complicated and it ties in with everything else that's happened since … well, you know. But I never told them how you died or anything like that. At times it's still hard for me to even think about it."

I stared at him, not sure how to take that news. Should I be offended that he hadn't told his family about me, the man who had sacrificed my own life for his? Or should I be okay with it? I didn't know. Cloud could tell that I was having conflicted emotions because he tried to soothe me further.

"It'll all make sense after I explain everything that happened. And believe me when I say that I do want to tell them about you, Zack. I just haven't felt ready to tell them yet. Sometimes I feel like it's too personal to tell them."

"Well, you'll kind of have to tell them now. I mean, I want to figure out how I'm alive. I'll need help for that. And I can't get help if no-one knows that I died once." I tried to speak kindly so that Cloud didn't get hurt. I think it worked because he nodded .

"Yeah, I know. Zack, I am sorry that I haven't told them about you. But really, you will understand why after I explain everything."

I nodded, letting it go. This was Cloud. Cloud wouldn't lie to me. I just had to wait and see. He left the room to go help Tifa and I headed back upstairs, thoughts of sleep already filling my mind.

As I snuggled under the deliciously warm covers, a melancholy sadness settled over me. I was once again reminded of how alone I was in this world. Sure, I had found Cloud. But he was not the Cloud that I remembered. Nothing was the same as I remembered.

Pulling the covers over my head, I coccooned myself like I would do when I was little and scared of stories of monsters. I thought that hiding in my bed covers would protect me from the monsters. It was a habit I had carried through to ShinRa. I remember on my first mission out as a Third Class, Angeal had been leading the mission. He had come into my tent one night to wake me for my shift on watch, only to find me buried deep inside my sleeping bag.

It was the most embarrassing situation a nervous young Third Class could have imagined. Yet Angeal hadn't gotten angry at me or teased me about it. He simply reminded me that it wasn't a good idea to be unable to get out of sleeping bag quickly if the need arose, but that was just ShinRa's opinion, not his. He told me that it was okay to be scared and that he was willing to listen if I wanted to talk about anything.

I had been too embarrassed at the time to take him up on the offer, but his words had stuck with me through all this time. They lingered with me now as I pulled the covers even tighter and squeezed my eyes shut against the blackness.

I wished he was here to talk to now.

"Angeal," I whispered. "What's going on? I don't understand this place and I don't think I like it. I feel like … maybe it would be easier if I had stayed dead."

I waited in the dark for a response but was met with nothing but silence. My heart panged sharply and I knew that sleep would not come easily tonight. At least I had the safety of the bed covers to protect me.

* * *

My head pounded and I wondered if I looked as terrible as I felt. The clock on the wall ticked over to three a.m. and I found myself wishing for sleep.

Yet there would be no sleep for me tonight. Not after everything I had just been told.

Cloud and Tifa stared at me, watching my reaction. We were seated around a circular table in the bar. I blinked and took a deep gulp of the drink in front of me, revelling in the warmth that flowed through my belly from the strong alcohol. I really needed this stiff drink right now.

"Woah."

"Yeah, it's a lot to take in right now. I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot most of it." Cloud offered me a comforting smile and I found myself struck by how odd the gesture looked on him. Sure, it was good that Cloud was smiling! I just wasn't used to it.

"You really killed Sephiroth again? He really came back to life?" I asked after a long moment. My mind was still reeling and I wondered if I would ever come to terms with all this.

"Yeah. It really happened." Cloud hesitated nervously before continuing. "But I couldn't have done it without you, Zack. You and Aerith were both there when I needed you, supporting me."

I blinked and looked at Cloud as though he had lost his mind. What?!

"Cloud, we were both dead! How could we be there?" I demanded.

"Well, not physically there. But I could feel your presence and hear you talking to me." Cloud blushed slightly and shot a glance at Tifa before looking down. "Uh, never mind. I guess it sounds kinda crazy."

"No, it's not crazy," Tifa said and laid a hand over his. "After everything we've been through, this is no harder to believe. I've also felt Aerith's presence and known that she was helping us."

Cloud looked surprised and relieved that Tifa had experienced something similar as well. Still unable to comprehend all this, I groaned and dropped my head in my hands, rubbing the bridge of my nose in an attempt to dispel the headache. It didn't work.

"I just … can't believe it. You brought down ShinRa! You killed Sephiroth! You!" I stared at Cloud and he stared back evenly. "I mean, no offence or anything Cloud, but you weren't exactly the strongest grunt I ever knew. To find out that you did something like this is just … Woah."

"I knew it would be hard for you to understand, but it's all true."

"Even the part about you thinking you were me?" I asked. Cloud's expression dimmed but he nodded. Tifa squeezed his hand.

"Misplaced identity, the doctor called it," she explained.

"You went to a doctor over it?" I yelped in surprise and instantly regretted it. Cloud flinched slightly at my words and I mentally cursed myself. I always was too careless with my words.

"Just to help me sort out which memories, actions and personality traits were mine and which were yours. I didn't want to be living someone else's life anymore." I nodded in understanding before taking another swig of the drink before shaking my head.

"It's all just so weird! How could so much change so quickly?"

"It's been a bit over three years, Zack. A lot can change in that time."

"Three years," I muttered before draining the glass and staring morosely into the bottom of it. The melancholy feeling settled over me again and I mused that I was beginning to get used to it. That was bad. I did not want to get used to feeling like this! I was happy person! So why couldn't I find any happiness in this new world?

I still couldn't believe Aerith was dead.

With a tired sigh I rubbed my eyes, subtly erasing any trace of tears that thinking about the love of my life had brought on. If only things had been different. If only I hadn't accepted that mission. Then I never would have gone to Nibelheim. I would have been able to go back to Aerith and to protect her. She would still be alive! We would be married-

If I hadn't gone on that mission, there might not have been anyone to stop Sephiroth. Enough moping, Zack. You can't change the past. So just accept it and move on.

Huh. Easier said than done.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk more about this later on. For now, I think we should all head to bed. You two have both had a very long day. You should get your rest." Tifa smiled warmly at me. "Zack, don't feel any need to get up at a certain time tomorrow. Just sleep in as long as you like."

"Uh, where will I be sleeping?" I asked.

"Take my room," Cloud said. "We do have a spare room that I'll clean up for you tomorrow, but we'll have to make do for now. I'll sleep on the couch," Cloud replied.

I offered no protests and moments later I was heading back up the stairs, my feet feeling like leaden blocks and my head still throbbing mercilessly. I thought briefly about asking for some pain killers but decided against it. The mako in my body would burn up the drugs before they even had a chance to start working!

For the second time that night, I collapsed into bed and disappeared beneath the covers. The muffled voices of Cloud and Tifa reached me through the wall but I didn't pay any attention. The voices drifted off in a few moments and it was not long before I did the same thing, my thoughts full of one person only.

Aerith.


End file.
